Secrets of the Rectum - REVEALED
💥 Things That Give You Gas (A Non-Exhaustive and Fully Explosive List)
🫘 Classic Culprits
- Beans (magical, musical, legendary)
- Lentils (tiny but mighty)
- Broccoli (aka the green trumpet)
- Cabbage (the unsung fog machine)
- Cauliflower (stealth mode activated)
- Brussels sprouts (tiny green chaos orbs)
- Onions (they make you cry now, and later)
🥤 Bubbly Betrayals
- Soda and carbonated drinks (burps are just the beginning)
- Beer (hoppy, happy, and hollowing your insides)
- Sparkling water (so classy, so gassy)
🍞 Gut Confusers
- Dairy (for the lactose-intolerant warriors)
- Artificial sweeteners (like sorbitol—sounds sweet, acts foul)
- Gluten (for some, it’s a windy road)
- Fiber supplements (proud sponsor of gut symphonies)
🍳 Surprising Offenders
- Eggs (silent but potentially eggstremely deadly)
- Chewing gum (air goes in… and well, you know)
- Fried food (grease-lightning in your colon)
- Garlic (the gift that keeps on giving)
🧠 Lifestyle Gas-Generators
- Eating too fast (inhale food, exhale fury)
- Talking while eating (aerate your soul and your intestines)
- Swallowing air (aka reverse whistling)
🐶 Bonus: Dog Edition
- Eating too fast (again)
- Stealing human food
- Drinking pond water (nature’s revenge)
- Simply existing (blessed, beloved, biologically cursed)